THE Party Fic
by KalliopeStarmist
Summary: Or There's a Ninja On the Ceiling. Our favorite genin have a little bash at Naruto's house. Be prepared for Twister, Karaoke, DDR, bad movies, and drunken ninjas. Definitely drunk ninjas.
1. Partay

THE Party Fic.

-or- There's a Ninja on the Ceiling!

Chapter 1: Par-tay!

A/N: A brief word about the title. The second part comes from Sifl and Ollie, of course. The same routine that _The Ninja of the Night and the Village Hidden in the Lemon Peels_ (another excellent fic) takes its name from. The first part is because I started this story in 2005. Dear old NekoRaven discovered it, and has done nothing but pressure me to post it ever since. And then Celeris, another friend, got a hold of it somehow, and my life became one constant nagging guilt trip. ("Did you write more party fic?" "No." "Why not?" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hurt me!") Come to think of it, this is what happened in Lemonpeelgakure, too, and that's named after a Sifl and Ollie thing... a pattern, perhaps?

Anyway, this is for you two. Happy belated graduation.

(I would also like to stress that this story is ancient, and was written long before Naruto Abridged came out.)

* * *

"Music?"

"I'm bringing my I-pod," said Shikamaru.

"Movies?"

"The girls are on it!" Ino announced excitedly.

Naruto turned to the males present and said, in an undertone, "_Good_ movies?" Shino raised his hand, and Naruto went back to his checklist.

"Snacks are always Chouji's domain... games?"

Sasuke raised his hand. "I've got a Playstation and DDR," he offered, "but I only have one dance mat, so if we want to do versus,"

"DDR?" exclaimed Rock Lee, standing up and making his signature hand motion at Sasuke, who, seeing where he was going with this, wished he had kept his mouth shut and his Playstation locked in his brother's room (ok, so it wasn't Sasuke's Playstation per se...). "I accept your challenge, Uchiha! I shall provide the second dance pad, and I will prove once and for all that hard work and determination can overcome natural talent!"

For a moment, silence. Naruto scribbled something on his clipboard. "Ok, so Sasuke and Lee are bringing DDR... what else?"

"Hinata has Twister!" Sakura trumpeted at a whisper from the girl next to her. She (Sakura) grinned mischievously at Sasuke.

"All right! I love Twister!" cheered Naruto. Hinata blushed and hid behind Sakura once more.

"Gai-sensei won't miss his karaoke machine," Tenten added. She and Lee immediately burst into song.

"_Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting! Those cats were fast as lightning!"_

Neji sat off to one side, his expression clearly conveying the concept "Don't look at me, I'm just on their team."

"_In truth it was a little bit frightening,"_

"Hey, is Gaara in town this weekend?" Sasuke interrupted Team Gai's performance.

Sakura shot him a look she usually reserved for Naruto's stupider non-sequiturs. "I think... why?"

"We should invite him."

Sakura shot him that look again. "...Why?"

"Because I think it would be fun to see him drunk."

Sakura mulled this over. "True... I'll drop him a note."

"Which does bring us to the most important topic," Kiba broke in. "Who's getting the booze?"

Naruto grinned. "Just leave the drinks to Squad 7."

* * *

The voluptuous, young, blond woman, clad in Daisy-Duke shorts and a bikini top, leaned seductively over the counter of Big Stu's Discount Liquor Store. "'Cuse me, handsome," she breathed at the clerk, pushing her purchases towards him. "Can I buy these?"

"I'll need to see some ID," answered the clerk mechanically.

The girl made a big show of pulling her wallet from her cleavage and opening it (the wallet, that is). "Oh, silly me," she laughed alluringly. "I forgot to bring it with me..."

"I'm sorry. I cannot allow you to purchase alcohol unless you have some identification."

"Oh," she pouted. "But, you can make an exception for _me_, right?"

* * *

Naruto shook his head sadly as he was thrown out of the liquor store. "They've never once fallen for it. You guys get the stuff?" he asked Sasuke and Sakura, who had been stealing the necessary intoxicants while "Sexy no Naruto" distracted the clerk.

* * *

"Hey! Naruto! What'd you do with the cups from last time?" Sakura yelled from the kitchen. It was about two hours until the guests were scheduled to arrive, and Squad 7 was bustling to prepare everything.

"They're in the cupboard!" Naruto yelled back as he helped Sasuke set up his Playstation. "But be care-,"

"ARG!"

"-ful... you all right, Sakura-chan?"

"I'm buried under a pile of ramen, what do you think?"

"So, you're fine then," Naruto guessed. "Hey, Sasuke, maybe if we plugged this wire in here..."

"Nah, I tried that already," Sasuke said distractedly as he fiddled with the VCR. All evening he had been acting like there was something on his mind. "Um... hey, Naruto?"

"Hmm?"

"I have a confession to make..." Naruto looked up. Sasuke fought back his pride. "I'm not very good at DDR."

"Well, don't worry!" Naruto grinned. "I've never even played before. It should be fun!"

"Wait, you've never played before... at all?" gulped Sasuke.

"Nope."

"No... Lee's going to kick our asses!"

The urgency of the situation dawned on Naruto. "But, we can't lose to that freak! We've got reputations to defend! Not to mention that Sakura would be crushed! She's been bragging about us to Ino and Tenten all week!"

Sasuke renewed his scramble to get his game platform up and running. "Hurry up! We've got to get as much practice in as possible before Lee gets here. Have faith, Uzumaki. Together we will prove that hard work and determination..." Sasuke froze. "Can... overcome..."

"Natural talent?" Naruto finished weakly.

Sasuke reached over without looking and unplugged the Playstation mechanically. "Why don't we wait for everyone to get here to start..."

"Yeah... let's ... um... go help Sakura."

"Good idea..."

* * *

"You know what we have to do tonight, Tenten," Ino reminded her companion as they lugged Gai's karaoke machine through the streets. "We have to set Hinata up with Naruto."

"Of course!" Tenten cooed. "They'd be too cute together!"

* * *

Back at Naruto's, guests had started to arrive.

"M & M's? Chouji, have I ever told you I love you?"

"Shikamaru, why do you have Clay Aiken on your I-pod?"

"Shino's gonna be late. He's got to say goodbye to every individual bug on his ant farm."

"Sasuke, I got your Playstation working! It wasn't plugged in."

Already green from this last announcement, Sasuke and Naruto felt physically ill when the doorbell rang. As of yet, Lee hadn't arrived. As of yet.

The doorbell rang again.

"Well, you going to get that, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

A sweatdrop beaded on Naruto and Sasuke's foreheads as Naruto opened the door...

"Do you believe in destiny?"

He'd never given destiny much thought, but one thing was for sure. Naruto believed in lucky breaks. "NEJI!"

Weak-kneed with relief, Sasuke sat down and took a sip of his drink. It wasn't Rock Lee and his no-doubt mad DDR skills. That was what mattered.

"Because Domino's was having a Buy 1, Get 1 Free sale," Neji explained, ignoring this unusually-warm reception. "So I went a little crazy. Could someone help me get my wagon up the stairs?"

He moved aside, revealing a red toy wagon stacked to breaking point with pizza boxes.

* * *

Gaara sniffed at the ink on this mysterious invitation as he wandered about, debating if he should go to this "party" or not. Cherry scented... how... odd...

Three shadowy figures turned the corner, walking in front of him. A fourth joined them.

"Hey, Lee," one greeted the newcomer.

"Hello, Kiba. Shino."

The smallest of the shadows barked.

"Akamaru," added the newcomer with a laugh, reaching over to pet it.

"You brought your DDR, right?" the one called Shino asked.

"Of course," the figure patted a large pack on his back. "... not that you care, you told me yesterday that you don't play."

"No, but I happen to have a friend who wants to impress a certain young lady by handing your ass to you on the dance floor."

Kiba started laughing. "Ha! Naruto told me it was a big secret. Guess he forgot."

"Naruto?" Shino asked. "Is he planing a move on Sakura, too?"

"When is he not? Wait, who were you talking about?"

"Sasuke. He was going to beat Lee in front of her. Thought it would be hot or something."

"That's what Naruto was going to do!" exclaimed Kiba.

"I was going to beat both of them to prove my love for the lovely maiden Sakura!" Lee moaned as his plans backfired before his eyes.

"There's still hope," Shino assured him. "She'll be drunk, she just might forget that Sasuke is paying attention to her."

"Yeah, since when has he cared for her?" Kiba asked.

"Since they were about six," shrugged Shino, "He never says anything because he's got the whole lone-avenger-with-a-mission going on."

"Well, we'd better get going," decided Kiba, leading the others away. "We don't want the punch to run out."

"Not that Team Kaka would ever let _that_ happen," muttered Shino. "They always make enough to supply every bar in the village for a month."

"True," laughed Kiba. "Yo! Gaara!" he yelled over his shoulder. "You coming or not?"

Gaara jumped... but decided to tag along. DDR might be fun.


	2. Twister

THE Party Fic

There's a Ninja on the Ceiling

Chapter 2: Twister

* * *

When the doorbell rang next, Naruto and Sasuke, certain that it must be Lee, hid in the kitchen, forcing Sakura to open the door. Sure enough, they had been right.

"Woohoo!" Lee shouted. "All right, Uzumaki, are you ready for an intense Man-Battle?"

"Hi, Lee," Sakura said flatly, not looking amused.

Suddenly, Lee realized it was not Naruto, nor Sasuke, but somebody he wanted to impress answering the door. Gut reaction to this potentially embarrassing situation, he slammed the front door shut in Sakura's face. He knocked on the door again.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she opened it. "Hello, Lee," she repeated, even more flatly than the first time.

"H-hi, Sakura-chan," he replied, turning red and acting as though he was surprised to see her answering the door. "You... uh, you look nice tonight."

"Yeah, yeah, get a move on, lover-boy!" shouted Kiba from the back of the line behind Lee. "I smell pizza, and Ringo Starr and his crush on Yoko Ono aren't keeping me from it!"

"Yoko Ono?" Sakura asked, confused.

Shikamaru, who already had a few drinks in him, shouted over to the kitchen, "Hey, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura's Yoko Ono from here on out!"

"And Lee is Ringo Starr," Neji added, taking a sip of punch. "Tenten'll love that... I'll tell her as soon as she shows up."

"Actually, Neji," Tenten said from over where she and Ino were setting up the karaoke machine, "I was here before you were..."

"Tenten!" Neji exclaimed, startled. "Why didn't you say hi?"

"... I've been trying to get you to help us with the karaoke machine for the past ten minutes..."

Lee ignored his teammates to concentrate on the information the intoxicated Shikamaru had let drop. "Sasuke is in the kitchen?" Sasuke and Naruto winced as they heard his voice. "Get out here! We must prepare for our DDR face-off!"

"Yeah, Sasuke, show us your moves!" Sakura encouraged, her voice getting closer to the kitchen.

Thinking quick, Sasuke grabbed a cup of Squad 7's signature punch and shoved it in Lee's hand when he walked in.

"Not yet," Sasuke admonished. "DDR can only be played when everybody is wasted enough to appreciate the comedy of the game. It's rule 236 of the Ultimate Konoha Kids List of Party Rules and Regulations."

"No it isn't," Lee exclaimed, taking a sip of the beverage anyway. "We've never played DDR before."

"Yes it is," Naruto said. "Oldest rule in the book."

"Wouldn't it be number one, then...?" Lee started to ask.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"I'll get it!" Naruto and Sasuke yelled, running for the door.

* * *

Hinata fidgeted and checked her breath. She had eaten about two packs of tic-tacs just in case Naruto answered the door. And he did. He and Sasuke threw open the door together, practically pushing each other onto the doorstep.

Hinata blushed and offered up the flat box she was holding. "I... I brought Twister," she whispered timidly.

Naruto and Sasuke's faces lit up... Naruto's more so than Sasuke's, because Sasuke knew that he would have to pay a horrible price in the form of molestation for this time-delaying device.

"Perfect!" Naruto exclaimed. "Hinata, I could kiss you!"

"Please..do..." she stuttered. Naruto thought that she meant "Please don't" but was too quiet to get it out whole. He patted her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I won't," he laughed, "But you've got great timing, Hinata-chan. We're all getting smashed so we can play DDR, and we need something to do in the meantime, and Twister's perfect!"

"Hey, we're going to play Twister while we get wasted, everybody!" Sasuke announced amid general cheering.

"Oh, um, Sakura-san?" Hinata asked as they were spreading out the mat and arguing over who was going first, "If anyone asks, I spent the night at your house, ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Sakura nodded. "By the way, Ino, I was at your place, got it?"

"Uh-huh. I was 'training'," Ino winked. There were certain precautions that had to be taken in order for the girls to spend the night at a boy's house without adult supervision at a party with a two-to-one ratio of males to females.

* * *

"Rock smashes scissors, and the winner is Shikamaru!" Chouji announced. "First match is Shikamaru vs. Shino vs. Gaara vs. Neji, honorable judge Yoko Ono presiding!"

"Wow, it's like that really creepy unappealing yaoi that you find in dark corners of the internet," Ino mused as the contestants took their places. Tenten stared at her. "Not that I was looking for bishie-on-bishie action or anything," she added hastily. "Um, let's go talk to Hinata. I've got a plan."

Hinata was surprised to have Tenten and Ino surround her as she was picking an anchovy off of her pizza. (It was easy for her to guess who had bought the pizza; only one person knew her aversion to seafood and was patient enough to spend time hiding a single eyebrow fish on every slice, waiting for her arrival.)

"Hey, Hinata-chan," Ino said. "How's it hanging?"

"It's hanging good... I guess," Hinata said uncertainly.

"Hey, we were thinking," Tenten said, "Have you ever given Naruto much thought?"

Hinata turned red.

"Because you and he would be so cute together."

"You- you think so?" Hinata said eagerly. Tenten and Ino nodded.

"Oh, for sure," Ino said. "You're both so cute and lonely, if you got together everyone in Konoha would get cavities just watching you."

Hinata toyed with her anchovy. "I... I do like Na-Naruto-kun," she admitted. "But... he never pays any attention to me... nobody ever does. I want to tell him, but... I don't know how to talk to people..."

"That's what we're here for!" Ino said as Tenten cooed. "We want to set you two up."

Hinata perked up. "Re- really?"

"Yes. It should be pretty simple. Once Naruto sees you for the perfect match for him that you are, everything should just fall into place. All that we really need to do is get you out there. And for that, I suggest the following;"

Hinata and Tenten leaned in.

"Hinata, you volunteer to play Twister next... Naruto's called a place in the next round."

"Uh, Ino..." Tenten said uncertainly, "He called the next round because Yoko Ono is the judge this round, and according to the Konoha Kids' Official List of Party Rules and Regulations, she goes next round... and we know how Naruto is about Yoko Ono..."

Ino sighed. It hurt, but sacrifices had to be made. "I know. We'll volunteer Sasuke for next round as well. Yoko Ono will be all over him, so Hinata can grab Naruto's attention."

Hinata hung her head and tapped her fingers together. "I-Ino, I don't think I can. I'm not very good at... at staying calm around Naruto."

"Don't worry about that," Ino winked. "I'll be the judge... and I know how to call a Twister game so that even the most clueless boy notices his opponent's body. Tenten, go convince Sasuke to play the next match."

* * *

The first Twister game was called off by Honorable Judge Sakura "Yoko Ono" due to interference.

"Um, Naruto, do you have any band-aid?"

"Come on, Shino, I'll patch you up," Tenten offered.

"Sorry," Gaara apologized as the wounded boy was lead off. "It's got a mind of its own."

"Try getting drunk," Shikamaru suggested, pointing towards the punch with the arm that wasn't bleeding. "Maybe the sand'll relax."

"Worth a shot," shrugged Gaara.

"... well, as soon as we've wiped up the blood," Chouji announced, "the next match will be Yoko Ono, Sasuke, Naruto, and Hinata. Honorable Judge Miss Piggy presiding."

Ino took her place next to the spinner. "Contestants, take your places. Right hand blue."

* * *

"So, Sandypants McGee," Neji addressed Gaara as they stood by the punch bowl. "How are you liking your first Uzumaki bash?"

Gaara shrugged and took another sip of punch. "You do this often?"

"Oh, when we can... sometimes we go over to Sasuke's, 'cause neither of them have parents to worry about."

"It's a good set-up," Gaara remarked, wondering why Temari never threw wild parties like this. He refilled his cup. "...wait, did you just call me Sandypants McGee?"

Neji didn't reply, but Lee, also getting some punch, heard. "Haha, Sandypants McGee!" he ran into the next room before Gaara could stop him. "Hey, everybody, Gaara's Sandypants McGee!"

"AH! Damn it, Lee, don't tell jokes at a time like this!" Sakura snapped. She was bent over backwards and Sasuke's arm was stretched across her. It was all she could do to keep from falling and breaking her spine.

"Heheh, Sandypants McGee," Naruto chuckled. "I like it."

"Left hand yellow," Ino pressed on relentlessly. Shikamaru had noticed that the spinner was nowhere near the "left hand" section, but decided not to say anything.

"I- I'm not sure I can," Hinata said, trying to twist her arm in an unnatural position. Naruto moved his hand to a different circle.

"Here, try where I was."

"I can't reach..."

He laughed. "Yes, you can, just twist around..." he grabbed her wrist and placed it on the circle. "See?"

Hinata turned red. The last move had pressed her and Naruto up against one another, so she, at least, was all too aware of her chest pressing against his side. With great effort, she looked over at his face. He glanced down at his side out of the corner of his eye, a little red rising under the black marks on his cheeks. "Uh, Ino? Call the next move, please?" he prompted.

"Right foot Green." Ino said with a smirk. Naruto looked around the board. One green spot was left... but this would mean putting his leg entirely too close to Hinata's crotch. The spectators noticed his predicament, or maybe they noticed Sakura's, which was slightly different but would have had the same overall result of bringing her closer to Sasuke than she had ever thought to be (in public, anyway).

"Right hand blue," Ino said.

A sweat drop of concentration appeared on Sasuke's forehead. Sakura was sort-of bent over backwards, with him leaning over her, and while he was aware of how suggestive it looked, he was even more aware of how badly his leg muscles were beginning to hurt, and even _more_ aware of how he would have to move his right hand to get it to blue. He would have to lift it up, pull it between him and Sakura, and then put it back down, and there was so little space between him and her, that he couldn't think of a way to avoid touching her breasts, and while he was all for coping a quick feel, he wasn't sure that this would sit well with her, Sasuke fangirl or not.

Sakura hadn't noticed how Sasuke would have to move to comply with the judge's demands. She only noticed how badly her back was hurting. "Sasuke, hurry up and do it."

There was a clear path to a blue spot right in front of Hinata; it was the move that made the most sense. It would put her in a more comfortable position, it would disentangle her from Naruto a little, and it would free up more space for her to make the next move. But... the spot in question was right between Naruto's legs.

"And now we'll see the sparks fly..." Ino smirked to herself. Who would crack first, Sasuke or Hinata?

"AIEE!"

The crowd gasped. Naruto's leg had given out, causing him to fall on Hinata, who bumped Sasuke, who fell on Sakura, ending the game with a quadruple knock-out.

"Whoo, that was a hot match," Naruto laughed as they dispersed and Sakura was duly rewarded for remaining standing the longest.

"I need a drink," Sasuke whispered shakily, leading Naruto into the kitchen, where both boys picked up a glass of punch.

"Ice..." Naruto said to his cup, sloshing it around. "We need ice." He opened the fridge, not noticing that Hinata was standing behind him. He scooped a couple of cubes into his drink and began to close the door.

"Uh... Naru... Naru... Naruto," Hinata kept saying. "Leave the door open for... uh, I want some ice... Could I just..."

Naruto slammed the door shut, apparently without even hearing her.

Sasuke handed Naruto his drink. "Hey, man, grab me some ice, too, could you?"

Naruto happily obliged, opening the door once more.

Sakura had also been watching these proceedings, and now she patted Hinata on the shoulder. "See, dear, this is how you get noticed." She took a deep breath.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!"

Naruto jumped. "Sakura! What the hell do you want?"

Sakura held out her cup. "I want some ice. Leave the freezer open for me, k?"

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke returned to main room for a nasty shock. The Twister mat had been folded up. Lee came bounding up to them. "All right! I declare us officially drunk!" he exclaimed, grabbing Sasuke by the ear and pulling him towards the TV, where the DDR mats were being set out. "It is time for our DDR duel!"

Sakura cheered. "YEAH! GO SASUKE-KUN!"

"Can't we talk about this?" Sasuke begged, trying to hold onto the furniture as Lee dragged him forward.


	3. DDR

THE Party Fic

There's a Ninja on the Ceiling

Chapter 3: DDR

A/N: Why isn't Sasuke using the Sharingan against Lee? Lee uses taijutsu. (Sound of angry elitist fans typing up a list of how ignorant I am and how I shouldn't even be allowed to post my pathetic dribble that doesn't even (gasp) stick to cannon. If you can imagine.) He's also protected by Diplomatic Immunity, eh.

Sorry about the long wait.

* * *

Previously on THE Party Fic:

"_It is time for our DDR duel!"_

"_YEAH! GO SASUKE-KUN!"_

"_Can't we talk about this?"_

* * *

"Can't we talk about this?" Sasuke begged, holding onto the furniture as Lee dragged him forward, towards the DDR mats.

The door banged open, and Temari stormed in, pushing her way towards her brother. "Gaara, you little snot! You forgot your caffeine pills!"

Gaara gulped, grabbed Hinata's cup from her and drained it. Temari yanked it out of his hands. "Drinking? Gaara, you are in so much trouble!"

The other kids gasped. "Ooh, busted..."

Temari draped herself over her brother's shoulders. "Why didn't you invite me? For God's sake, I don't have any more of a social life than you do! Where's the founder of the feast?" she demanded of the other kids, looking around.

Sakura pushed Naruto forward. Temari grinned at him. Naruto blushed.

"Aw, Naruto has a crush on Fanny McGee!" shouted Kiba.

"Fanny McGee?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow at him. She giggled. "Whatever... So, Naruto," she purred, wrapping her arms around his neck. Naruto gulped. "Can I come to your party?"

"O– of course," Naruto stuttered. Temari kissed him on the forehead.

"You're a doll. Where's the booze?"

Naruto pointed towards the kitchen. "Um... let me pour you some punch," he offered, running back for the kitchen, Sasuke at his side.

"Wait, our DDR–," Lee started. Temari's eyes lit up.

"You guys have DDR? Awesome," she said. "Who's playing?"

"Sasuke and Naruto are going to beat Lee!" Sakura explained.

"That'll be great," Temari laughed as Naruto handed her a cup with a shaking hand. "And to think I almost missed it! Gaara, this is why you need to talk to me more often,"

"You guys should call up Kankuro before we begin," Sasuke choked out.

"Yeah!" Ino exclaimed.

"Definitely," Hinata nodded.

"Good idea, Sasuke," Tenten said.

"I'll show you where the phone is, Temari-san," Sakura offered. The four younger girls lead her off, giggling.

"What's so funny?" Temari asked as she dialed the number.

"Is– is it true that," Tenten blushed. "Older guys,"

"You know, mature and all," Sakura added.

"Always carry some..." Hinata tapped her fingers together, "protection on them?"

"For sexual occasions?" Ino clarified.

"Maybe," Temari said, "But I don't know any mature older guys. How would I know?"

"Well," the girls giggled more, "Like, Kankuro-kun..."

Temari laughed out loud. "Mature? Kankuro? You girls really don't get out much, do you?"

"Anyway, Lee," Naruto said to the avid DDR player. "We can't go yet. Sasuke and I aren't drunk."

"You guys aren't drunk yet?" Lee asked, beginning to suspect treachery.

"What can I say?" Naruto shrugged nervously, pretending to take a sip of punch. "Squad 7 can hold our liquor!"

"How do we know _you're_ drunk, Lee?" Sasuke asked. "How do we know that you aren't faking being wasted to get an unfair advantage?"

"Yes! Prove that you're smashed!" Naruto challenged, catching on quickly. "Go against... um..." Naruto cast around, looking for a poor unoccupied sucker to pit against Lee. "NEJI!"

"Whaddid I do?" Neji slurred, spinning around unsteadily on hearing his name.

"Won the booby prize," Sasuke muttered to himself as Lee dragged his confused teammate off to the DDR fields.

"Kankuro-kun, there's a party down at Naruto's... do you want to come? They've got DDR," Temari said enticingly to the phone. "And punch... good punch... What? Why not?"

"DDR Match, Round One: Ringo Starr versus Neji!" announced Kiba.

"FINE! Play with your stupid inflatable date!" Temari yelled angrily at the phone. "Ha! I don't think 'training' with Blow-up Wanda counts with your puppeting experience! Don't even, I know what you're doing! Have fun with your dolls!" She slammed the phone down. "He's not coming. Little social reject."

"All right, Hyuuga, pick your poison!" Lee exclaimed, jumping onto the dance mat excitedly.

"Very well, Lee, (by the way, I call you Lee no matter how macho I'm trying to sound, I don't suppose you could manage "Neji" instead of "Hyuuga"? Just thought I'd bring that up.) You asked for it," Neji growled, choosing his specialty DDR song.

Sasuke and Naruto nodded with satisfaction. Neji was damn good at DDR, and they figured that getting beat once would take Lee's steam away. And they were right, or they would have been, if Lee had lost.

* * *

"Looks like Ringo Starr's had a few," Tenten remarked to Naruto and Sasuke.

"No, Lee's Ringo Starr. Neji doesn't have a name... yet."

"Yeah, I know. Lee kicks butt drunk."

Naruto went pale. "You mean _that_," he pointed at Lee and his barely-visible feet. "_That_ is Lee drunk?"

"You didn't know?" Tenten asked, mildly surprised. "Lee goes nuts when he gets some alcohol in him. He's unstoppable. I'm surprised Neji even agreed to this; he must have known there was no way he could win," and then she wandered off to freshen her drink, leaving Naruto and Sasuke staring at each other.

"We are so screwed."

"We need to do something."

"And fast."

With a thud caused by Neji dropping to his knees in defeat, the song ended and the audience burst into applause.

"Lee, that was AWESOME!" Sakura said. Lee blushed. "But don't forget, you still have to beat Sasuke,"

"Uh, Sakura," Sasuke began weakly as the crowd began to bear him forward.

"Not so fast!" Kiba interrupted, pushing Sasuke and Lee aside. "You stuck-up prodigies aren't the only ones playing DDR. Chouji and I already called the next round!"

"Yeah, move it," Chouji demanded, kicking at Neji until he relinquished his dance mat by crawling a few yards away.

"I believe I need a drink," he announced, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Naruto and I have to check... something... in the closet," Sasuke mumbled, yanking Naruto into the nearby closet.

* * *

"Naruto, we can't stall forever," Sasuke hissed.

"I know," Naruto replied, biting his nails. "We just have go out there, do our best, and take our humiliating defeat like men."

Sasuke peeked out at the game. "Sakura just sounds so proud to be on our team..."

"Oh, come on, Sasuke, of course she is! She'll just be a little PO'ed for a while, we'll cope."

"I don't like rejection."

"You baby."

"Yeah, Chouji! Kick some ass!" came Ino's voice from outside.

The dark closet lit up, illuminated by Naruto's idea-lightbulb. "Sasuke, I have a plan!"

* * *

In the kitchen, Neji and Hinata, two of the four people not watching the Kiba-Chouji dance-off, were talking and drinking punch.

"Hey, Hinata-sama, you know the most famous Hyuuga of all, don't you?"

Hinata shook her head and took a long gulp of punch.

"Little Orphan Annie."

This was too much for Hinata. She choked on her punch and fell, coughing and laughing, to the floor (in the sake of fairness, I should point out that both had had a few drinks previous to the beginning of the scene, and were in that kind of mellow drunken mood where Little Orphan Annie jokes are the most hysterical witticisms ever invented).

"...Hinata? ... you all right?"

Hinata coughed up some punch in a merry manner and waved off her cousin's concern, at which point Naruto entered.

The punch was a sort of dark-red color, and when he entered and found the infamous Hyuuga cousins alone, unattended, Hinata on the floor with a dark red blood-like liquid on her lips, he could but jump to one conclusion.

"YOU BASTARD! What the hell is your problem?" he yelled accusingly at Neji. "I mean, sorry you lost at your best DDR song, it sucks, I know, but that's no reason to beat on little girls! Beat on Lee, please, but not Hinata!"

Hinata saw where the misconception occurred and began laughing again, which immediately got her coughing again.

"Don't worry, Hinata, I'll fix him," Naruto growled, cracking his knuckles. Neji took a step back and bumped into the counter.

"Na-Na-Naru-," Hinata choked a few times, reaching for his ankles and trying to explain what had actually happened while coughing up punch and being deeply flattered that he was defending her, albeit against an imaginary enemy. Hinata was not picky when it came to acts of gallantry.

"Look, you moron, I didn't touch her," Neji explained, while groping behind him for a kitchen knife. "That's not blood, it's punch. She choked on her drink."

"A likely story," Naruto said suspiciously. With a dark glare at Neji, he knelt next to Hinata and helped her sit up. She stopped coughing, because with Naruto's arm around her waist, breathing had dropped off her list of priorities. He ran a finger over her lips, and the only thing that stopped her from fainting was reminding herself that this would not help Neji's case at all, and if Naruto killed him, she'd have no one to hang out with at family gatherings.

Naruto sniffed the red substance he had wiped off Hinata's mouth.

"Well?" Neji asked humorlessly. "Is her blood-alcohol a little higher than normal, or am I telling the truth?"

Naruto grinned sheepishly and wiped his hand off on his pants. "Guess... it is just punch," he giggled anxiously, standing and moving over to the punch bowl. "Simple mistake... anybody could have made it... Uh... I'll just grab those glasses and go, shall I?" he picked up two cups and darted out the door. "Sorryaboutthatbye!"

"Goodbye, Naruto-kun," Hinata sighed dreamily from the floor. Neji looked over at her.

"Yeah, that one's a _real_ catch," he said sarcastically.

* * *

Sasuke snapped his head back into the doorway of Naruto's bedroom. He really wasn't sure about this plan. If Sakura found out... He snaked his head around the doorpost again.

Lee was teaching Sakura how to play DDR.

Sasuke gulped. His standing in Sakura's mind was fast going down the crapper. Naruto was right, this required drastic action.

"_Hey, Ino._"

Ino glanced around. She thought she had heard someone say her name.

"_Ino! Over here!_"

Ino looked over at Naruto's bedroom.

"_Yeah, over here, quick_," Sasuke hissed from the doorway.

Ino giggled and pointed to herself. "_Me_?"

"Yes, you," Sasuke sighed exasperatedly, darting forward, grabbing her arm, and pulling her back into the bedroom.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke winced, hoping she wouldn't notice in the darkened room. This was hard for him. Not that there was anything wrong with Ino, aside from the fact that he couldn't stand her. _Wait_, said Inner Sasuke (who only came out when he was drunk, and who he suspected was actually Inner Itachi, but he never thought to ask him, because he was always drunk when Inner Sasuke came out). _Sasuke, are you an Uchiha or not? Are you not from the hottest clan in Konoha? Are you telling me that you'd rather lose to Eyebrow the Boy Wonder than flirt with an attractive woman? Shame, Sasuke, shame._

Sasuke shook himself mentally and put on an alluring smile. "Ino," he said softly, sort of like a purr, only more masculine. "I've got a problem, and you're the only one who can help."

"Well, what would you like me to help you with?" Ino asked suggestively, leaning in.

Sasuke turned away shyly. "It's actually kind of embarrassing."

"Aw, you can tell _me."_

"Well, you know how Naruto and I are supposed to play Lee..."

"Yeah! You guys will be awesome! I'm totally looking forward to it!"

Sasuke realized that he was about to confide in the wrong person. Time for a tactic change. "Well... um, about that... er... Naruto's really got his heart set on winning and impressing..." Sasuke choked. "Um... Sa- Sa- Sakura, and the poor guy's not very good at all, but he's too proud to admit it..."

Ino laughed. "Awesome... so you want me to set up a camera?"

"NO! I mean," Sasuke shrugged bashfully. "Naruto's my heterosexual life partner, I don't want to see the guy embarrassed like this."

"Oh, of course, I understand. It's so good of you to look out for that moron... you're such a great guy, Sasuke-kun," Ino smiled. It made Sasuke very uncomfortable. He decided to push right along, anyway.

"Well, um, so, I was thinking of a way to help him out... and, er... maybe you could possess Lee and make him screw up for Naruto's round..."

"Of course, Sasuke-kun... anything, for you," Ino said, leaning towards him, her lips puckered, ready for a kiss.

Sasuke didn't notice, and turned quickly and fled from the room, muttering, "'k, thanks." as he ran back to the kitchen for another drink. Ino followed him at a discreet distance, blending in with the crowd as Kiba and Chouji danced their last steps.

"All right, Sasuke, time for our DDR battle!" Lee announced.

"Wh-what?" Sasuke stuttered. "But... it's Naruto's turn first... right? Naruto goes first..."

"Of course not," Lee said. "I've waited long enough, Uchiha. Let's duel."

Sasuke sent a pleading glance at Naruto, who grabbed Ino by the ponytail and pulled her into his room. "Ino... you know how Sasuke just asked you to help him out?"

"Excuse me?" Ino snapped. "He asked me to help you out. You're the loser."

"Oh, is that how he put it?" Naruto asked. "Well, I got news for you, sweetheart. He's the one who sucks, and he's about to get his ass handed to him. So why don't you help him out like a good little fangirl?"

Ino smiled, although inside she was imagining punching Naruto and Sasuke in the face repeatedly. How dare he lie to her! How dare he suck at DDR! "Of course. Don't you worry about a thing."

Sasuke glanced over at Naruto leading Ino out of the bedroom. The blond gave him a thumbs-up, and Sasuke took a deep breath. "All right, Lee. Are you ready to lose?"

Lee stared straight ahead at the screen. "You are the one who is going to lose."

"You're going to be so embarrassed," Sasuke said.

"You are the one who is going to be embarrassed."

"Just pick a song already, Ringo."

Lee picked his song. "Expert mode, Uchiha?"

Sasuke gulped, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Naruto, who nodded. "Of course, doob... if you can handle it."

"It is you who are a doob," Lee said as Ino collapsed on the couch. Shikamaru nudged her with his foot.

"She's fine, she's just drunk and blond," he assured everyone. "Go back to your obnoxious party games."

"We should write on her face," Sakura said.

"Don't you dare!" Lee said hurriedly. "I mean, uh, first the DDR face-off."

"Oh, yeah!" Sakura grinned at Lee and Sasuke "Do your best, you two!"

Lee hit "start" and the music began. Sasuke hit the first couple of arrows with a score of "ok", while Lee just stood there, watching him.

"AH, Sasuke! The way you move!" he cried finally, launching off his dance mat and bowling Sasuke to the floor. "You're too sexy for me to compete against!"

"Wh—," Sasuke choked as Lee pinned him down and kissed him.

"Oh, Sasuke! Just take me!" Lee shouted. Sasuke turned red.

"Get off me!" he yelled as the party-goers laughed.

"Wow, Lee, I didn't know you had planned out humiliating him this far," Tenten said.

Lee winked at her and laughed manically. "You don't know the half of it, my friend." He kissed Sasuke. "Revenge is sweet."

"What did I do!?" Sasuke said, wiggling. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Ino's lips twitched a little. "Mmm."

"Ino, get off the boy," Shikamaru sighed, noticing this movement.

"Ino–," Sasuke was puzzled for a moment, then looked out of the corner of his eye at the girl collapsed on the couch. "INO! You pig!" he shouted at Lee. "What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be helping me cheat against Lee!"

Ino-Lee looked triumphant, and Sasuke realized that the other kids were all staring at him. Not that they hadn't been.

"Sasuke!" Sakura gasped, appalled. "You asked Ino-pig to help you cheat?! Where's your sense of honor?"

"I hate you, Ino," Sasuke muttered. Lee collapsed on his shoulder.

"That's not what you said when we were alone in Naruto's bedroom," Ino stood up, winking at him. Sakura fainted.

Sasuke would have liked to help her, but Naruto and Lee got there first, Naruto wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. He would have liked to go kick their asses (for real. No silly video games for settling _this_.) but he was immediately assaulted the rest of the party.

"Three cheers for Courage the Cowardly Uchiha!" Tenten shouted. "King of the Dancemat and sometimes-lover of Ringo Starr and Miss Piggy!"

_You're never gonna live this one down, that's for sure,_ chortled Inner Sasuke. There were times when Sasuke purely hated his inner self.


End file.
